What is a love map? How well do you know your spouse? In a nut shell, if you know your spouse, their wants, desires, dreams, how they like their meat cooked, what they like to watch on TV, then you have a pretty good love map.
Dr. Gottman talked about Dr. Rory and his wife Lisa. He told how Dr. Rory was a workaholic and did not even know his dog’s name or where the back door of the house was. Dr. Rory and Lisa were on the verge of divorce when they decided to see Dr. Gottman, he asked them to remember back to their first date, Dr. Rory’s face lighted up when he talked about first meeting Lisa. As they talked about those memories they rekindled a spark of why they were together in the first place. They held hands as they talked about that first date. Dr. Gottman knew their marriage was strong and could become stronger over time because of the love map they had together. They knew other so well and even though they had drifted apart for a time they saw they could be good together once again. So Dr. Rory changed the way he worked and made time for Lisa and their kids. He even had dinner with the family every night.
So memories together help make up your love map. Knowing little details about your spouse, just paying attention to what they say and do make a huge different in everyday life. Remembering those little details help to keep a marriage strong and alive. I realized I only know a few things about my husband, well maybe more than a few, when we did the love maps questionnaire. Actually we did pretty well, however neither of knew the relative that we liked the least. That was funny to us. We are still working on the, who am I part of the book.
We did okay on the fondness and admiration questionnaire also. I like seeing how the deep seeded positive feelings help us to stay connected. There does not seem to any room for the four horsemen to come into the marriage if we have positive thoughts and feelings toward one another. Again I ask how is your love map?
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