Dr. Richard B. Miller said, “When children become adults,
the relationship between parents and children changes. In healthy families, the
parents no longer exercise control or expect their adult children to obey them.
Of course, parents still have the right to set household rules concerning
appropriate behavior in their house, but they no longer have the right or responsibility
to tell their adult children what to do. It is now the stewardship of the adult
children to make decisions concerning their own families.” Dr. Miller pointed
out five reasons marriages maybe in power relationships in Families.
1. Parents
are leader in the family.
2. Parents
must unite in their leadership.
3. This
is the title of this post.
4. The
marital relationship should be a partnership.
a. Husbands
and wives are equal.
b. Husbands
and wives have different responsibilities, but they function as equals.
c. Husband’s
role as patriarch gives him the responsibility to serve his wife and family.
d. Husbands
and wives work together as partners.
5. What
is the power relationship in your marriage?
All of Dr. Miller comments were spot on, even if
they were a little hard to take. The one that hit home for me was number three,
the parent-child hierarchy dissolves when our children become adults. I think
that is why children are so smart when they are in their early twenties and
move out of the house. I was eighteen when I moved out, because my mom and I
did not see eye to eye on anything. I had a good job, made enough to pay rent
and even eat. I know it was hard on my mom at the time but we are both better
off today because of that decision. When my daughter went to BYU-Hawaii I knew
she would never live in our house again. She came home that first Christmas for
a short visit, then back to Hawaii she went. She and her husband a spent a
couple of nights here with their babies but our entire relationship has
changed, for the better I think. My son will be coming home from his mission in
January and I expect him to go to school somewhere. I have to keep telling
myself, he is a twenty two year old man, he can make decisions and live on his
own; I have to respect that.
So I will have some growing pains in the next little
bit, but I know it will be good for everyone. My time as mother, mothering is
over, time to learn to be a good grandma and friend to my kids. My husband and
I have always been equals but we need to work on the power in our relationship.
That’s what happens when two first born children marry, they both want to be in
charge, we are working on it however.
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