Charity and Gridlock

I bet you are think charity and gridlock cannot exist in the same sentence. Let me explain how they can. Goddard says, “Charity is the pure love of Christ, and it is endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him”. It is something that is not found easily or automatically. You need to work at having charity; just like you need to work at marriage. Gridlock is found in everyone’s marriage eventually. When you are first married everything is exciting and new, but after the honeymoon your spouse begins to annoy you with the way they do things, little things you thought were cute at first. You both had hopes and dreams when you started out, little by little those dreams may have taken a back seat to other things like kids, new jobs or change of location. One day you have had it, your spouse is making a peanut butter sandwich and you lose it, you start to yell and tell them they are making it wrong. You go nuts on how to make the peanut butter sandwich. Your spouse is sure have lost it, you start bring up all kinds of other things that have been bothering you but you have kept silent until now. After you have acted like a crazy person for a time, your spouse turns to you and asks if you are done. Then they talk to you about all the things you have kept bottled up inside for so long. It has nothing to do with the peanut butter sandwich; it has everything to do with your not opening up and having clear and concise communications. You have spent much of your married life in gridlock and didn’t really know it. You dreamed you wanted to return to school and get a four year degree in anything, just to say you did it. Your spouse is helping you at this point to achieve that dream but it so hard. The school work which was so easy for you 30 plus years ago you struggle with now. Your spouse is supportive, loving and caring; you are the one struggling. Gottman says, “No book (or therapist) can solve all your marital problems. But by incorporating these Seven Principles into your marriage, you can really change the course of your relationship”. I know this is a true statement. It has helped with my marriage. Even though I get stressed over school and act like a crazy person over a peanut butter sandwich, I’m grateful I have taken this class.