Perpetual/Solvable Problems ..

In marriage Gottman says there are two types of problems, perpetual and solvable problems. I thought about this and began to think of perpetual problems in my own marriage. There are a few; such as my husband’s need to collect things, I think he is a hoarder and have many times in the past called him that. There is the fact that he has to give a large sum of money to his ex-wife every month and that leaves us cash strapped. Those are the two biggest issues I think we deal with on regular bases in our marriage. The hoarding I thought was solvable until we actually had to deal with it. I have come to the conclusion that hoarding is an illness, no matter how much I complain he doesn’t see anything wrong with stuff piled up. So I had him watch this show with me called “Hoarders”, he didn’t think he was as bad as the people on the show but agreed he could be. So we have the discussion every once in awhile about things piling up in his “man cave”. He will then bring some things up to recycle, I say thank you and the pattern continues. It is definitely a perpetual problem. The money thing, I seriously need to just get over it. It just makes me so angry, just because he was married to her for more than ten years she is entitled to a quarter of his salary for the rest of her life or until she remarries. It has been ten years and I don’t think she will ever remarry. The solvable problems are just petty things that I can’t even think of one right now that is how petty they are. I think we are doing ok in this area of our marriage for now.

I wanted to touch on Goddard’s chapter six, Consecration. I really felt the spirit speak to me as I read the chapter on how marriage is like the law of consecration and we have an ancient model of that law in Abraham and Isaac. I have always heard the story of how Abraham was told to sacrifice Isaac to show his faith to the will of the Lord. But I had never thought of it as the law of consecration. He points out how marriage gives us the opportunity to practice consecration. Goddard said, “Just as Isaac was willing to give his life as the ultimate expression of commitment to God, so we are invited to dedicate of lives, our talents, our weekends, and our weaknesses to the sacred enterprise of sanctifying our marriages and ultimately perfecting our souls”. He continues, “In the day-to-day struggles of marriage we may fail to see that his ultimate sacrifice qualifies us to the ultimate reward. We shall “inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depts.” –all that the Father hath (see D&C 132:19)!” I really feel that this statement has given me hope, hope in husband, hope in myself and hope in our marriage.